Winter!: Prepare for holiday gaming!
Just for Methedras
Dear Meth, I found this on the intrawebs and thought of you...enjoy a laugh!
May 30, 2008
Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick
and Animal Control Division of
Detroit Health Department
City of Detroit
Coleman A. Young Municipal Center
2 Woodward Ave., Ste. 1126
Detroit, MI 48226
Also: Detroit Red Wings and National Hockey League
Dear Mayor Kilpatrick,Animal Control, Detroit Red Wings, NHL:
Below you will read the pertinent sections of the Detroit City Code:
This specifically pertains to the octopus tossing at the Joe Louis Arena:
Sec. 6-1-1. Definitions. For purposes of this chapter, the following words and phrases shall have the meanings respectively ascribed to them by this section: Animal means any living domesticated or wild invertebrate or vertebrate, excluding humans. Animal Control Division means the division of the Detroit Health Department, or such other designated City of Detroit department or agency, authorized to administer and enforce the provisions of this chapter.
Sec. 6-1-3. Owning, harboring, keeping, maintaining, selling or transferring of farm or wild animals prohibited; exception for circuses, zoos, and other approved activities; separate violations for each animal; disposition of animals in violation of this section. (a) It shall be unlawful for a person to own, harbor, keep, or maintain, sell, or transfer any farm animal, or any wild animal, on their premises or at a public place within the City; provided, that farm animals or wild animals may be kept in circuses, zoos, or laboratories, subject to the approval of the City, where the care or custody is under the care of a trained and qualified animal attendant at all times, whose responsibility shall be to see that such animals are securely under restraint. (b) Each farm animal, or wild animal, that is owned, kept, maintained, sold or transferred contrary to subsection (a) of this section shall constitute a separate violation of this section. (c) The Animal Control Division is authorized to sell, transfer, euthanize, or dispose of any animal owned, kept, maintained, sold or transferred in violation of this section in a manner consistent with the protection of the public health, acceptable humane practices, and any applicable established City guidelines and procedures. (Ord. No. 04-04, § 1, 1-30-04)
Sec. 6-1-12. Violations and penalties.
(a) It shall be unlawful for any person to violate any provision of this chapter, or to aid and abet another to violate any such provision. (b) Any person who violates this chapter may be issued an ordinance violation for each day that the violation continues. (c) Except as provided in subsection (d) of this section, any person who is found guilty of violating this chapter shall be convicted of a misdemeanor for each ordinance violation that is issued, and, in the discretion of the court, may be fined up to five hundred dollars ($500.00) and sentenced to up to ninety (90) days in jail, or both, for each ordinance violation that is issued. (d) Upon conviction for violation of section 6-1-6(a) of this Code or section 6-1-6(e) of this Code, the defendant shall be sentenced to a term of imprisonment of not less than twenty (20) days and shall receive a fine of not less than two hundred and fifty dollars ($250.00). (Ord. No. 04-04, § 1, 1-30-04)
As a citizen of the United States, I consider the octopus tradition as a sign of degenerate minds. It is disgusting and turns my stomache. The natural environment of the octopus is the ocean. The reason for its capture by fishermen is for human consumption only, not human playtime. To use the body of an octopus in such a manner is to devalue the animal kingdom. If the National Hockey League's policy was to win only 4 games, would fans toss the bodies of dogs and cats on the ice, since they only have four legs?
An animal is an animal. Noone owns the ocean. Noone owns the octopus. It is every persons responsibility to protect animals who are being shown extreme disrespect.
It is my intention, if the Animal Control Division fails to send me a written promise to begin voluntarily to vigorously enforce the Detroit City Code, to file a lawsuit against them. My intention is to have a court issue an order to force the Animal Control Division to do its job.
If I do not receive a response to this letter by Friday June 6, 2008, via my e-mail address of: firstname.lastname@example.org I will file the lawsuit, against the Animal Control Division And the Detroit Red Wings, for their complicity in this crime.
The Proper Etiquette For Throwing an OCTOPUs
"The O-FISH-AL OCTOPI Supply"
The following are guidelines for the proper decorum if one chooses to propel a CEPHALOPOD.
1. BOIL THE OCTOPUS: Boiling the OCTOPUS for a half hour will remove any natural moisture (slime) and will not leave any excessive residue that may inhibit the game.
2. WHEN TO THROW: The APPROPRIATE time to hurl your Octopi is ONLY immediately after a Red Wing goal. No other time is sanctioned by or recommended by our board of governors. If one does feel the need to throw it during our national anthem we must demand that it be done only AFTER its completion.
3. PLACEMENT: After meeting the criteria as mentioned in guideline numbers 1 and 2, you must throw your Octopus only in a direction AWAY from any players, officials and personnel. You must be confident that you can easily and safely make it to your desired target area. If you have any doubt in your ability, PLEASE refrain from propelling your Octopi.
I, the undersigned, hereby acknowledge that I have read and will adhere to all the guidelines as written. Failure to do so will be dealt with to the full measure that this board can call upon.