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  #1  
Old 04-06-2008, 02:39 PM
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Warning: Airplane faults!
Posted on another forum by a lad known as Ormorof. Thought i'd repost here as it had me in stiches this morning.

Qantas flight sheet gripes
In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a university degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)
by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny...........
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed. And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Old 04-06-2008, 03:59 PM
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Quote:
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
......................
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Old 04-06-2008, 04:34 PM
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Well, seen this before, but still good.
My personal favourite is this one, although i can't make up my mind if its funny or just worrying

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hagan View Post
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
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Old 10-31-2008, 08:28 AM
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Old 10-31-2008, 10:25 AM
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'Nuff said.
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Old 10-31-2008, 07:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hagan View Post
P: Aircraft handles funny...........
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
This .
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Old 11-01-2008, 03:23 AM
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This .
That one was my favorite too - followed my the very last one.
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